The Anxious Generation (A Book Review)

Any parents of kids in school need to read this book.

We’re wrapping our kids in bubble wrap outside, but leaving them wide open online. Social media has flipped our world upside down, and we didn’t see the impact it would have on our most vulnerable—our kids. Puberty is already a nightmare without the added pressure of Snapchat streaks, TikTok followers, and Instagram likes. It’s a recipe for creating the most mentally strained generation ever. It’s time we step up and help them navigate this digital jungle, for their sake and for the generations to come.

I’ll admit, I am of the generation who was on social media 24/7 in the 2000s. Luckily though, I made it through high school without a smartphone. We have built a business around using the Internet for good and yet I still feel guilty about what the Internet has done to an entire generation.

“Between 2010 and 2020, the rate of suicide among US adolescents aged 10-14 has increased by an average of 121%. It begs one question above all: Why? Why would such a young person, a child, basically, ever have cause to end their own life?”

Are they lost? Is it over? Can they be saved?

Of course, there’s always a good time to go to rehab and that was yesterday, but people of all ages need to realize what that device in their hand is doing to their brain, relationships in their life, and to their family. Social media, porn, and the Internet in general can be quite addictive drugs. Add into that, companies like the Facebook (Meta), Youtube (Alphabet) and TikTok, have engineered many ways to manipulate you into spending hours upon hours consuming content (getting them eyes balls that are addicted so they can sell more ads).

“The rates of depression among teens more than doubled from 2010 to 2021. This mental health crisis grew in tandem with the rise of “phone-based childhoods” beginning in the late 2000s, when the iPhone debuted.”

It’s hard to argue the author’s points.

Jonathan Haidt’s 4 recommendations for a better upbringing.

1. No smartphones before high school. Parents should delay children’s entry into round-the-clock internet access by giving only basic phones (like your first phone, that brick of a Nokia! And no internet browser) before ninth grade (roughly age 14).
2. No social media before 16. Let kids get through the most vulnerable period of brain development before connecting them to a firehose of social comparison and algorithmically chosen influencers. We need collective help on this one, one lazy parent will ruin it for everyone else!
3. Phone-free schools. In all schools from elementary through high school, students should store their phones, smartwatches, and any other personal devices that can send or receive texts in phone lockers or locked pouches during the school day. That is the only way to free up their attention for each other and for their teachers. Teachers have enough to do in the classroom besides being the iPhone Police!
4. Far more unsupervised play and childhood independence. That’s the way children naturally develop social skills, overcome anxiety, and become self-governing young adults. It’s not going to turn your kids into the Lord of the Flies, though some role-playing is always a fun game! Learning how to interact in group settings when parents aren’t around is how kids learn social intelligence.

The scary part?

Age gates don’t work. Before Haidt was going to interview Zuckerberg, he created a fake account as a 13-year-old girl. There was no way to verify the age. Zuckerberg said “They were working on it”. But why would they? To show stronger growth numbers to shareholders, allowing anyone AND their dog to create multiple accounts is a great way to manipulate the numbers and allow an entire age range of kids to join with very little if any repercussion.

I’m all for people owning their own social media handles and accounts, but when it comes to companies purposefully turning a blind eye to what is helping them grow their numbers that crosses a line.

Many of the best adventures are going to happen with other children in free play.

And when that play includes kids of mixed ages, the learning is deepened because children learn best by trying something that is just a little beyond their current abilities— in other words, something a slightly older kid is doing. Older kids can also benefit from interacting with younger kids, taking on the role of a teacher or older sibling. So, the best thing you can do for your young children is to give them plenty of playtime, with some age diversity, and a secure loving base from which they set off to play.

You are a role model for your kids whether you like it or not

As for your own interactions with your child, they don’t have to be “optimized.” You don’t have to make every second special or educational.

It’s a relationship, not a class. But what you do often matters far more than what you say, so watch your own phone habits. Be a good role model who is not giving continuous partial attention to both the phone and the child.

Here are 6 practices to help grow kids.

1. Shared sacredness. It’s about being part of something bigger than yourself. Whether you’re singing your heart out at mass or marching in a civil rights rally, it’s all about that group vibe with a moral, charitable, or spiritual purpose.
2. Embodiment. This one’s all about those physical rituals that bring us together. Think sharing a meal, playing a sport, or praying. It’s the stuff that connects us on a deeper level.
3. Stillness, silence, and focus. Yep, it could be meditation, but really, it’s any kind of quiet time. It’s about finding that moment of calm in the chaos.
4. Self-transcendence. This is where you sacrifice for something bigger than you. From donating to causes you believe in to putting in volunteer hours, it’s about making a difference beyond your own little world.
5. Less judgment, more forgiveness. Take a page from Jesus, the Tao Te Ching, or the Torah. Be slow to anger, quick to forgive. It’s all about spreading that good energy.
6. Find awe in nature. Seriously, get outside. Whether it’s forest bathing, breathing in that salty sea air, or just strolling through a beautiful campus, nature connects us like nothing else. Need more ideas? Check out Dacher Keltner’s book, Awe. It’s packed with inspiration.