1. The “It smells like success in here!” “Nah, it’s just COFFEE!” stock photo
People seem to like to look off into the distance in stock photos, why? See it looks so weird! Stop using photos like this on your website please.
2. The “Intense conversation while working the help desk, texting the boss and making a phone call!” stock photo or what we like to call “completely useless multi-tasking guy”.
It’s the best when people are photographed doing things that they would NEVER do in real life. Who the hell are these people and photographers thinking that photos like this would be good to use for your company! Stop it with the completely useless multi-tasking guy!
3. The “casually reading a thought-provoking book” stock photo guy.
Could you imagine, the boss says “it’s photo day, I want you to photograph me while reading a smart book, I think investors will like that!” I don’t think they will.
4. The Helpdesk guy is back! The “I have one more really annoying tidbit of information for you before you hang up the phone on me.” Again, with the useless technology in the right hand. Why?!
The worst has to be those ones with that look that someone’s $&@# don’t stink. Definitely going to want to avoid these photos.
5. The “awkward use of a tool that shouldn’t be used” stock photo guy.
And always with the coffee, why do they always have the coffee cup?!
6. The “lets have a jolly good day” guy.
Always with the coffee. First, no one stands like this unless you’re in a musical troop. Second, if you look like that in our office I’ll throw an orange at you…(seriously, just ask Conrad). The poor people who have stand in for stock photos and keep a face for an amount of time, I feel for you people.
7. The “isn’t it amazing!? We can now see what you put on your website here on a smartphone!” mobile stock photo guy.
Isn’t technology great? Everything is on mobile now. Especially your face! Google everything, Google on your phone all day. Imagine what our babies will be like in 5-10 years when they have phones. It’ll be a different world, a different world still plagued with brutal, just god awful stock photography.
8. The “hey big slugger, we’re all proud of you over here, keep atter big batter!” stock photo guy.
You get that feeling this guy is like that boss from Office Space? Me neither.
9. The “talking to the boss when you finally beat solitaire for the first time” stock photo.
The ones with multiple people are just something special. And the look like the computer is about to turn into a dinosaur.
10. The “you got the helpdesk and we’re having a great day, what’s your favourite color!?” stock photo.
Overly excited helpdesk guy, we salute you. With coffee in hand and headset engaged, this gamer is ready for anything! Tighten your suspenders, today’s going to be a fun ONE!!!
11. The “if I talked on the phone in front of a mirror I’d kick my own ass” stock photo guy with bad smile.
The cheesy smiles, they are abundant. We don’t need these fake looking people haunting your website, please pick a photo with a normal smile? Or hey better yet maybe don’t use stock photography and take your own photographs? A picture can say a lot about your company and brand.
12. The “this book is too good to keep my eyes open” stock photo
Not a good look for anyone unless you have chronic pink eye! Open your eyes, let people look into your soul! Or at the very least ensure they know you aren’t sleeping.