Confidence is not a trait, it’s a skill

Something that took me a while to realize is that confidence is not a personality trait. At first it sounds crazy, right? I have struggled with confidence my whole life and didn’t have the courage to do a lot of things, ultimately holding myself back. I still struggle with it, but I keep waking up everyday with an open mind, knowing that the only person who’s told me I can’t do something all these years is me.

I started paying attention to the people around me and the amount of confidence they carry. What I realized was that not everything works out perfectly all the time. People still stumble on their words – or quite literally stumble – but in the long run, none of the smaller things actually matter.

Eventually, people started paying attention to me too. Now, I get asked advice. I talk to high school students who want to do what I do and to other people in the community who took my workshop. My network grew simply because I started believing in what I was doing, as did the people around me.

As soon as you separate confidence not as a matter of personality but as a skill, you realize that it doesn’t take a special person to do anything. I watched Amy Cuddy’s Ted Talk on power poses and how you can fake it ’till you become it. What it made me realize was that if you do things not only to “make it,“ but to become it, your life will change.

It can be intimidating to derail your way of thinking, especially when it involves putting yourself out there more. If you do things based on the reasoning of wanting to do them, the end result will be worth it. The more you do it, the easier it gets, and the sooner you start the better! Starting is always the hardest part in anything you do. I can’t tell you how to do absolutely everything; what I can tell you is that once you start, it’s easier to keep going than to stop.

I really don’t think the trick to life is being “talented” or amazing at what you do (although you do eventually need to back up what you’re doing). I think the secret to whatever you want to do is whether or not you believe in what you’re doing. If you are confident in your abilities, the rest will come.